IDW Publishing Forums

Urzu Six · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 1:28 pm Post subject:

Warpath is standing in front of a canyon at that point, isn't he?
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martin-m · I'm kind of a big deal Joined: 27 Mar 2010 Posts: 138

temple · Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:09 pm Post subject:

Annual 1986 (uh, still): And There Shall Come... a Leader!

FLASHBACK STORY! Yeah, we're back to the early days of the war, when Cybertron was still shiny and its boulevards were free of filthy robohobos. Specifically, we are back to a tower that looks more and more like a wang the more you stare at it. Yuss, this penile palace is the home of Cybertron's ruling council... also known as the LEGION OF SUCKMASTERS.

Step forward, Emirate Xaaron (No, I know he doesn't look like a small principality. Yes, I think they meant 'emir' too, but that doesn't sound as good. Stop interrupting me). Behold his mighty grill-mouth; a working jaw is not for such as he.

Anyway, he suggests tossing Autobot leadership over to a single badass dude. Suckmaster General Traachon has nothing better in mind, plus it will allow him more time for lounging around in his Wang of Solitude. And so enter... OPTIMUS PRIME, with his suspiciously truck-like torso.

He's entrusted an important mission to Bluestreak and Fusion, a character who we've never seen and who keeps mentioning how expendable he is. I'm sure he'll become a long-lasting fixture of the book... oh, no, wait, he's dead. Poor ol' Fusion; if only he'd learnt to move and shoot at the same time!

Of course, it is inevitable that Prime would eventually come up against his nemesis... BANANATRON. The two colossi face each other on a narrow bridge... one shall stand... one shall fall. LOOK OUT, OPTIMUS! HE'S FULL OF POTASSIUM! Shocked

Anyway, what's the master plan of tactical genius Optimus Prime? Well, basically to whale on Bananatron until his pals plant some explosives and blow the both of them up. ....right.
Luckily, Windcharger, the surprisingy omnipresent hero of Marvel UK, plucks him out of the air. One shall fall, one shall fly limply through the air!

Prime might be out like a light, but at least he destroyed that maniac Bananat... okay, he's fine too. Maybe the Autobots checked the rubble or something? But that would probably clash with the victory party at Wang Towers. So, uh... one shall fly limply through the air, one shall wander off? Yeah.

We're back onto the US Classics next installment, peeps! Grab yourself a copy to read along, and I'll see you there! If you like ridiculous deaths, acceptable-in-the-eighties Jewish stereotypes, and more Yomtov nincompoopery... you might mildy enjoy it!
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temple · Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 1:58 pm Post subject:

Everybody got their copies of Classics Vol. 2? Good, cause I'm taking a brief moment away from fighting the Reapers to bring you:

Issue #14: Rock and Roll-Out!

Wow! A HOIST cover! Truly they are spoilin' us with the most popular of all Transformers. From the looks of it, he's about to crush a classic eighties band with a piece of scaffolding while twisting to the side just enough to let Starscream shoot a missile into the packed crowd. What a hero! Gotta love that crowd, too; helpfully pointing at the giant robot, as if to say, "Look! A giant robot!"

Ahhh, the rite of the Autobrand, as Optimus burns his mark of ownership into another poor mechanoid. And again with the creepy mingled fuels! You know, in the original draft, Bob just had all the Autobots line up and spit into Jetfire's mouth.

It turns out that Ratchet might not be able to fix all of the damaged Autobots, but never mind, as Optimus has a whole bunch of backup friends in cold storage for just such an emergency! That's Prime for ya; keeping his pals in nonexistent hell until it's convenient for him to free them...

Bish bash bosh, two minutes of robomagic later and we've added Grapple, Hoist, Smokescreen, Skids and Tracks to the toy shelve... I man, cast. Anybody else would let them adjust to the fact that they've lost six million years of their lives and their entire homeworld, but not noble Prime, who orders them straight out with Bumblebee to explore.

Meanwhile, G.B. Blackrock, sans moustache, is still watching his stolen oil rig with his new pal Barnett, a 'government intelligence guy.' On board, Starscream is bitching as usual... yadda yadda yadda, take over the Decepticons *yawn* Little does he know... Cap'n Kinkwave is back, exploding out of a cliff and... wait, exploding out of a cliff? Didn't he sink into a swamp or something?

Anyhoo, using a cunningly-constructed space-diaper, he carries... some doohickey back to the rig, where he makes some classic-style energon cubes, which he then uses to lead the 'Cons away from the rig. Dunno why G.B's so upset... this means he gets the rig back, yuss? Although he might have to hose down a few rooms after Cap'n Kinkwave's... excesses.

The new Autobots are out and about, and cunningly blending in with the Oregon natives with the genius application of REALLY SHODDY-LOOKING MANNEQUINS. And yet... it seems to work, as a bunch of petrol station employess assume the INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS MANNEQUINS are just some kind of circus act. Man, if I was from Oregon, I would be pretty pi$$ed at the book's take on my intelligence.

Washington now, and the Intelligence and Information Institute (yeah, I think it sounds stupid too) finally decides to do something about these colossal robots that have been stomping about the place for the last few weeks. Barnett gets assigned to doing somethin' about it; good luck, yet another unnecessary human character! *salutes*

The 'Bots decide to take in a show, specifically the worl'd most popular rock group, Brick Springstern and the Tenth Avenue Band!

...

...seriously, Marvel? Did you even ASK Springsteen if you could just use his real name? You never know, the Boss might be a huge Wheeljack fan or something. Well, as long as it doesn't get too irritating. Anyway, the band is playing their biggest hit, Born... in... Americ... MARVEEEEEEELLLLLL!!!! *shakes fist*

The music suddenly starts to suck, though, and not because they've started playing "material from the new album." Yuss, those wacky 'Cons are stealing the noise to convert into energy. Ahhh, sonic energy, the most obvious choice. So much more efficient than fossil fuels or electrical power sources. Hoist puts the kibosh on their scheme, which unfortunately makes the Seekers burst out of the ground. What IS it with the 'Cons exploding out of stuff this issue, anyway?

Cue big ol' robot ruckus, during which... Brick (ugh)... continues playing like the mensch he is. And the crowd being Oregonites, they just think the battling robots are part of the show. Not big news-watchers, I'm assuming. Luckily Bumblebee shoves an energon cube right into Cap'n Kinkwave's barrel (and he probably enjoyed it, the sick puppy) and sees the rock-stealing rotters on their way.

Optimus shows up to have a go at them, which is rich coming from the guy who sent five traumatised 'Bots out into the world in entirely new bodies. At least THEY didn't spend several issues as a head, you jackass!

I know you're all eagerly awaiting the return of...

YOMTOV WATCH!

...but you'll have to wait; lil' Nelson actually didn't do too bad a job this ish; and with five whole new robots, too! He'll make up for it next month, I'm sure...
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Oh, and OK to print...

HdE · Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 5:20 pm Post subject:

TRIVIA FACTOID:

During the scenes with Brick Springhard (or whatever his name is) if you look carefully, you'll see a young Courtney Cox!

Uh... Nope. I've become horribly confused again...
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martin-m · I'm kind of a big deal Joined: 27 Mar 2010 Posts: 138

Nice rare bit of artistic continuity in the US series here - the only members of the original Autobot cast shown active in this issue, both in the scenes at the start and Optimus's back-up squad at the end - Bumblebee, Wheeljack, Ratchet, Bluestreak and Mirage - are precisely those who did not take part in the battle at the swamp - the implication being that everyone who did is now out of action.

Annoyingly, Mirage and Bluestreak vanish without explanation from the US series from this point forward.

Yomtov made one error in the issue - grey Wheeljack hiding at the right-hand edge of the third-to-last panel.

This is my favourite story in Volume 2, and one of my favourite Transformers stories of all time, despite its major problems of logic (stealing sonic energy?) in that it is a rare instance of a bunch of Autobots driving around the roads in disguise, struggling to blend in and understand the ways of humans. It has some very funny, charming dialogue in the middle third.

Martin

temple · Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 11:25 am Post subject:

Issue #15: I, Robot-Master!

What the? A comicbook cover as a comicbook cover? That's, like, trippy, man. Not quite sure what's going on, though. A bunch of Transformers are standing around for some reason; from Megatron's pose, he might be teaching an aerobic class. This IS the eighties, after all; we should feel lucky that they're not all wearing legwarmers. However, this is all ruined anyway because some idiot in ski goggles in sticking his big ol' head right in the way. I really hope he doesn't feature heavily in the issue. Let's turn the page...

Wow, Megatron's really hungry for fuel, isn't he? I guess he HAS just been wandering aimlessly around America for a couple of issues. Although, you'd think that if he was THAT low on fuel, he'd be cutting back on unnecessary exertions like wrecking massive pieces of mining equipment. If he's not careful he's gonna... yup, frozen stiff. Silly Megatron.

Remember Barnett the Government Guy from last issue? Well, he has to attend a big important meeting with his spook pals, where they go on and on about how bad the nasty ol' giant alien robots are. Blackrock tries to convinve them that the 'Bots aren't like that, but why the hell would they listen to him? He doesn't even have a moustache! Barnett needs to reduce public panic somehow, but he doesn't have a clue so he goes home and picks on his child instead. What a guy!

Meanwhile, at a popular comics publisher that shall remain nameless, although it rhymes with 'Barvel,' not-a-Jewish-stereotype Donnie Finkleberg is getting thrown out for poor sales, which in the eighties amounted to about 3,000,000 readers. But who's this? It's our abusive father pal Barnett, with a proposal! The plan is to make people less afraid by turning the alien invasion into a massive terrorist attack!

...yeah, me neither. Anyway, not-a-Jewish-sterotype Donnie Finkleberg agrees to the wacky scheme when he gets offered enough money.

At the Ark, the 'Bots are the first to see 'Robot-Master' claim to have control of the Transformers. Everybody pretty much buys it, except Blackrock, but who cares about him? Well, the press, actually, and his good pal Bumblebee. Ol' G.B. threatens to derail the whole ill-thought-out scheme, so it looks like they need to step up the campaign. Who would have thought it... the government lying. *shakes head* Where do they come up with this stuff?

We transition to a hi-fi store, where the delightfully honest owner is selling a tape player even though he just found it outside that day. Look out, you crooked swine; that player's full of RAVAGE! Soundwave's plan for that day was... what? Just hang out in a store all day? Why? Did anyone even plan this issue out? It makes less sense that a Michael Bay movie!

Everybody turns up at Megatron's quarry; Barnett and not-a-Jewish-sterotype Donnie Finkleberg to carry on the Robot-Master charade, Blackrock to give them a moustache-less tonguelashing, and the Autobots to try and get SOME robot action into this issue.

Unluckily for them, the army open fire on them, and they can't even fight back because they are wussy lil' weenies. Soundwave rocks up and gives Megatron a refill, and the big bad starts kicking tank all over the place. The Autobots WOULD help out, but they've just been shelled to b*ggery. Good going, Robot-Master!

Speaking of not-a-Jewish-stereotype Donnie Finkleberg, he's now a prisoner of the 'Cons, although he convinces them not to smoosh him in exchange for badmouthing the Autobots. Bob even manages to fit in a moral at the end: that's right, kids, it's okay to lie to your nation and create phoney terrorist plots... just DON'T SMOKE!

YOMTOV WATCH!
Because he has a beautiful singing voice

Fixed!
On page 8, Wheeljack no longer has Hoist's color scheme!

Not fixed!
Soundwave and Bumblebee are still coloured kinda funny on the cover!
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Oh, and OK to print...

Cattleprod · Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 11:32 am Post subject:

You didn't mention my favorite part: Finkleberg keeps talking about how he can 'sell any story', yet we're introduced to him as he's fired from his writing job.
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CyclonusArmada · Transforumer Joined: 17 Jan 2012 Posts: 2525

Barvel 'Formers was so strange.
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HdE · Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 11:40 am Post subject:

Iacon_Pax · Transforumer Joined: 05 Apr 2012 Posts: 664

Only read a handful of these issues as a kid (the Ratchet/Dinobot ones that I think I got in a three-pack at KB toys), but I just read precisely theses issues of the American run, in preparation for knowing what the heck is going on when issue #80.5 comes out.

Really enjoyed your reviews. Keep them coming!

Bass X0 · I'm kind of a big deal Joined: 06 Jun 2007 Posts: 227

temple · Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:31 pm Post subject:

temple · Posted: Sat May 05, 2012 2:56 am Post subject:

Issue #16: Plight of the Bumblebee!

Uh oh... that cover looks ominous. 'Bee sure looks like he's being shot to b***ery, although his pose is less 'agonised shooty death' than 'swooning southern belle'. I do declayah, mister Starscream! Speaking of which, two Seekers, both tapebirds AND Cap'n Kinkwave just to take down one Minibot? I haven't seen such a waste of resources since Uwe Boll's last movie!

As the story starts, a picture of Bumblebee is being drawn on an Etch-a-Sketch deep within a Decepticon base. It's okay, but the wheels always come out looking a little square. Cap'n Kinkwave is studying him; he is determined to stick something inside him. Ummm... maybe I should rephrase that. He's come up with a doohickey that will control the little yellow ditz once it's implanted inside his cerebral cortex. Which is gonna be painful, as it's pretty much the same size as Bee's entire head. Seriously.

While we're here, actually... is Bumblebee actually anyone's favourite character? I mean, every cartoon, movie and comic seems to get him front and centre early on, but he's a little lame, isn't he? Why couldn't Buster befriend... I dunno, Wheeljack or something. Everybody loves Wheeljack.

Optimus Prime shares my views on Bumblebee's lameness, although he disguises it behind a wall of seemingly genuine concern; trust me, he hates the little SOB. 'Bee knows it, too, so decides to run away from home. That's right, you people groaning in the back; it's one of those 'life lesson' issues. Come back, Bob! All is forgiven!

No sooner is 'Bee resting on a grassy hilltop, possibly while some whiny &%$@ from Snow Patrol is playing in the background, than the 'Con Overkill Squad turn up to mess with his day. He ends up having to hide out in a used car lot, although luckily this time there's none of that 'Uncle Bobby B' crap.

That old Transformers staple, a couple of no-good punk car thieves promptly make off with him, leaving both the 'Cons and the 'Bots (who have finally noticed the annoying little dickens is missing) to try and find him. Ernie and Waldo (GREAT car thief names, seriously) are enjoying some tasty junk food from a nonspecific company that just happens to feature big golden arches heavily in its packaging, and challenging random strangers to drag races. Yeah, this is pretty much what all young people were up to on a Friday night in the eighties. It was a simpler time.

Of course, not all drag races back then ended with a couple of jets trying to blow up one of the cars (MOST of them did, admittedly, but not all of them). Ernie ain't feeling so good, although I would probably put it down less to the jerky driving and more to the gourmet culinary offerings of Mac***alds.

Some human jets turn up to check out the Decepticon jets, then Jetfire turns up... it's a whole thing. Also, the plan to capture Bumblebee and implant a control module in him seems to have strangely morphed to 'blow him up with loads of missiles'. It's not until Jetfire gets shot up and 'Bee is going to surrender that Cap'n Kinkwave goes back to Plan A. His gropy hand reaches out for the terrified li'l Autobot...

...and then the cops and the Autobots turn up, the Decepticons run away, Bumblebee learns a dull life lesson, and Ernie and and Waldo spend a night getting brutally molested in a Portland jail. Something tells me that the writer forgot he only had 22 pages!

YOMTOV WATCH!
Because it's fun to be mean

-not too shabby this issue, although:

Not Fixed!
-still no real idea who the other Seeker is meant to be in this issue. Skywarp, probably? Curse you, identikit planes!
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You exist because we allow it. You will end because we demand it.

Oh, and OK to print...

Iacon_Pax · Transforumer Joined: 05 Apr 2012 Posts: 664

Yay! Not only do we finally get another of your priceless reviews/summaries, but you also just happen to do the issue I'm on in rereading the old comics! Ah, serendipity...