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[HdE]

This was actually the first Transformers comic I ever read. True fact. Oh yes.
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Check out my page on DA http://hde2009.deviantart.com/

The dead do not letter comic books, Stanley.

[jamarmiller]

[temple]

[temple]

Issues #UK29-30: Decepticon Dam-Busters!

Jeez, that 'Simon' guy is still around. I guess some kids must like his stories or something. Well, he ain't getting my respect unless he's still writing this stuff in twenty-seven years time. I'll make a note for my future self, so he doesn't forget, what with his hoverboard racing job that he'll no doubt have by then.

We begin, as all good children's stories do, in a sleazy bar, where one of the patrons is pretty sceptical about this whole giant robot business. I see that Spielberg has demanded a namecheck in recompense for that whole 'Raiders' fiasco last story. Anyway, Johnny Sceptic staggers outside only to run into...

...I bet you thought I was gonna say a giant robot, didn't ya? Nothing could be further from the truth; it's a robot tyrannosaur. IN YOUR FACE! In fact, there's a whole passel of metal dinosaurs... it's the ambulance he runs for that turns out to be the giant robot. Yeah, remember when Ratchet and the Dinos killed off Megatron by 'pwaf'? Well, they're on their way home from that. Grimlock can't understand why humans would be afraid of the Autobots; I mean, they're the FRIENDLY giant robot monstrosities from outer space. So Ratchet tells them a story...

(wibbly-wobbly screen wipe)

Bananatron, it turns out, once attacked a local dam in order to get some power... what? Yes, it's the cartoon episode. Yeah, with the axe hand and flail and everything. What do you mean you've seen it? Yeah, well, this is the UK version, which I'm sure will tack on a downer ending or something. So sit down, shut up and listen, wiseacres.

Luckily the Autobots turn up to stop him, including good ol' toy-accurate Bumblebee. His head's flatter than my jokes. Bananatron and Prime end up having a duel on top of the dam, and Bananatron... ends up... having an energy flail... yes, okay, it's the same thing, all right? Yadda yadda, axe axe axe, flail flail flail, Hound gets owned by Rumble, Prime gets distracted, gets knocked off the dam...

Ah, hear we go; British pessimism kicking in. Bananatron blows up the dam (funny how he can blow up a whole dam with one blast yet struggle to kill a couple of mooks in Joey Slick's hands) as sour grapes for the 'Bots ruining his scheme. The water's gonna drown the nearby town, so our heroes outrace the water and get to the end of the vallet first.

What's their plan? Well, the only way to defeat an explodey problem... is with an even EXPLODIER solution. They blow up the other end of the valley to stop the water. Neat, huh? ...only it doesn't work (UK, remember?). So they cut trenches. That doesn't work either.

In the end they just say @$%& it and evacuate the town, which ends up only getting a LITTLE flooded. You think the squishies are grateful? Nah, they strangely blame the GIANT ROBOTS for the whole thing, all because the dam workers said GIANT ROBOTS blew up the dam. How unreasonable! Mirage, being all upper-class and junk, is pretty angry that the peasants are talking back and wants to smush them all. Optimus doesn't let him, the spoilsport. I mean, he let Brawn kill all those people a few issues ago!

Long story short, that's why the humans hate the Transformers, as seen with a little catchup with Josie (while she was still hospitalised and not yet stripperiffic) and G.B (and his ENORMOUS WEAPON... also his laser cannon.)

Ratchet and the Dinos finally get home, only someone clonks Swoop right on the noggin. Le gasp! Who could it be? Bananatron? Cap'n Kinkwave? Brawn gone mental again? Noes! It's... GUARDIAN!

...you remember; Guardian. From the last story? Turned up, got his tail kicked by Windcharger?

...yeah, that one. Scary, huh?
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You exist because we allow it. You will end because we demand it.

Oh, and OK to print...

[temple]

Hah! I bet you thought I'd forgotten, didn't you? Well, tough! I was just in a holiday cocktail-induced coma. TIME TO GET BACK TO BONING!

Issue #UK31: The Wrath of Guardian!

Guardian, the big lug, is still holding Swoop like a Royal on a pheasant shoot, which understandably annoys the other Dinos. I mean, their circuits are crackling! I'm pretty sure that's not a good sign. I'm typing this on a laptop, and none of ITS circuits are crackling. Shoddy Cybertronean workmanship if you ask me, although I guess they HAVE been in a tar pit for a good few years. Devil on the circuits, tar.

Ratchet, of course, springs bravely into action... if by 'action' you mean 'looks strangely constipated as he watches the Dinobots get their ASSES HANDED TO THEM.' And what's with that, anyway? Windcharger... WINDCHARGER, I remind you... kicked this guy through a wall with no worries, but FOUR Dinobots can't lay a punch on him? Does that mean Windcharger could beat the Dinos? I thought they were meant to be tough guys, not wussy babies...

Then Ratchet takes the guy out with a single blast to the neck, adding himself to People Who Are Better In A Fight Than The Dinobots. Who's next, Buster? Then as Guardian staggers off, Ratchet not only makes fun of the big useless lugs, he then kicks Swoop down to the bottom of the repair list. He's been taking &$£% lessons from Prowl! Hell, even the other Dinos laugh at Grimlock. For a writer that loves Grimlock... Simon really hates Grimlock.

So then we pay a visit to Prime's head as he has a chinwag (about all he CAN wag, I guess) with Cap'n Kinkwave. Remember the good ol' days, when all this was going on? You don't? Go back a couple of pages in the thread then, morons! We even get a Buster visit with him using his LUCIFERAN ENERGIES to... play some Springsteen. Or Springstern. Whatever.

Ratchet has by this point repaired a bunch of his buddies; turns out he gave up on Sunstreaker. Yeah, that'll teach that yellow bitch to make fun of Ratchet for being an ambulance, teach him good. But then, something on the screen causes them to break out one of the first uses of... DULL SURPRISE. (Wheeljack is also doing it, but you cannot tell 'cause he has no mouth).

The Dinobots just about manage to beat up the almost disabled Guardian, with judicious use of lightsabe... energo-swords. Only there's a problem... Guardian's got a bomb in him... and if the bus drops below forty miles an hour, IT'LL EXPLODE!
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You exist because we allow it. You will end because we demand it.

Oh, and OK to print...

[temple]

Issue #UK32: The Wrath of Grimlock!

Grimlock's still pretty pissed about all the people who laughed at him last issue, so we rejoin him about to execute Guardian gangsta-style. Bad idea, Dinobuddy! He doesn't know that Guardian is MADE OF EXPLODIUM; Ratchet, Prowl and Wheeljack do, but they're all the way over in the TV room. There's nothing they can do from there... or is there?

...well yes, or else this would be a really short issue. Even as Grimlock's making like Dirty Harry ("Say your prayers, freak!" Harsh), Wheeljack springs to the rescue with HEADLESS ZOMBIE PRIME! Yay, that's super-creepy! Or as Grimlock says, "Whaaaa-? Prime!"

That's pretty *&$%ed up if you think about it. I mean, hoo-man doctors don't remotely control the bodies of coma victims for their own amusement after hours, do they?

...DO THEY?

The other Dinos STILL make fun of their 'leader', even when he's being spooned by an undead robot corpse; seriously, why do these guys hang out? They hate each other more than Buster n' Jesse hate 'O'. Their mocking shenanigans give Guardian the chance to make a run for it as well. In the struggle, poor ol' Grimlock continues his two-issue run of SUCKING LIKE A UWE BOLL MOVIE by losing a hand.

Ratchet sticks it back on for him, and what does he get for his troubles? Pow! Right in the kisser! Although let's be fair... doc Ratchet has had that coming for quite a while. *sings* Marvel UKaaaaaayyyyyy.... where everyone's a jeeeeerk.....

Things are getting so bad that they consider actually fixing Windcharger to beat up Guardian again. I mean.... Windcharger. Yeesh.

Guardian himself, meanwhile, figures he can't take all the Autobots at once (although I don't know, they seem pretty feeble so far). That means he switches to Cap'n Kinkwave's Plan B, namely blowin' himself up anyways. That crazy Cap'n Kinkwave... always getting 'bots to blow things.

The smart thing to do, of course, would be to sit tight in his hiding place, seeing as he has enough kaboom in him to level the entire mountain, but noooo, he has to head right for the enemy. No, I don't know why either. To make sure they're turned into SPECIALLY small dust particles? Still, at least it gives the Dinos a chance to win a fight for once; cue Grimlock biting off Guardian's hand. Noooooooo! That was Guardian's fun-time hand!

Wow, it really seems like we're gonna get a happy ending for o.... what's that? Swoop's literally just been fixed? And he flies off with Guardian? And they both blow up with no bodies found?

...well, darn. Although I guess that's what flyboy gets for not being available in UK toystore.

And so, the Dinobots leave for a place where they won't suck so bad (where did the Gobots live again?), and Ratchet manages to fix... um, all but one of the Autobots. Jeez, he REALLY hates Sunstreaker, doesn't he? Aaaaand... Circuit Breaker still wants to kill them all.

See you next time for a very special Christmas adventure. This is UK, mind, so I imagine Santa will get stuck in a chimney and starve to death or something...
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You exist because we allow it. You will end because we demand it.

Oh, and OK to print...

[CyclonusArmada]

Not too long after I got IDW HC Collection 2, I decided to hunt down some of the Marvel series as tpb's and as luck would have it Forbidden Planet had a lot of them, suspiciously cheap???

I got: Treason, Primal Scream, All Fall Down and Matrix Quest. It saddened me greatly. Usually I find the thing that ages older books the most is the artwork and/or colour palette. Given TF's long standing play with palette swapping the colour palette and the art hold up surprisingly well IE it doesn't look like a five year old did it. These stories mostly focus on the Pretenders, a TF idea I hate a fair bit, which makes most of the cast look far too human for my liking. After seeing the IDW version I did dislike the Marvel Thunderwing quite a bit. The only part though I really liked was Rhythm's of Darkness featuring a great Mad Galvatron story. I even found Unicron felt oddly flat here too. Ultimately glad I found IDW first.

Also a green Matrix???
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[Urzu Six]

Yes... It was tainted by eeeeeevil.
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http://blacksquareart.deviantart.com/

Okay to print, and all that jazz

[temple]

[Urzu Six]

All the more reason to continue then. I would never have pegged you as the type to let a complete lack of response dissuade you.
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Okay to print, and all that jazz

[Cattleprod]

I like reading these, but it just gets hard to reply after a while, it feels redundant to post 'good job' after every post.
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Editing posts to fix broken quotes is like detonating I/D chips.

[temple]

[Urzu Six]

[temple]

[zhgingaah]